THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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