Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
