I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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