There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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