I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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