The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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