You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
