i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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