youre lurking in front of me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
