What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
