In America we eat man semen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
