did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
