i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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