atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
