the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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