Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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