The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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