How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
