i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
