If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
