Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
