i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
