I just made out with a guy for $7.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
