you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
