How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
