I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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