Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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