I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Welp...herpes.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
