The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
