we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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