the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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