What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She's the barista slut.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
