I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so that wasnt chicken after all
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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