If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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