they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
