Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
