The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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