I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
