Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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