suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wish my penis had a tongue
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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