There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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