covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
