hotel room ftw
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
