Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
