Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
