She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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