All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
