you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
