I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
