Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
