Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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